Sometime's a shadow wins.

"If you could go back and just change one thing about your life, would you? And if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that change ultimately break your heart? Or break the heart of another? Would you choose an entirely different path? Just one moment. One moment that you've always wanted back. " -Lucas Scott.
"Sometimes i think we waste our words our moments and we don't take the time to say the things that are in our hearts when we have a chance." - Clay Evens.
"Wouldn't you rather take a chance than always wonder what could have been?" - Peyton Sawyer.
Once again, One tree hill has read my mind. Its frustrating when unreal fictional characters know more about life than yourself. And right when you're trying to avoid, trying to hide from such thoughts, to save yourself from regret, protect yourself from a wave of sadness set upon due to long unfulfilled desires, that's precisely when you find such quotes. -_____-
But whatever these non existent ppl said above is so true. Its exactly what i've been racking my brains about for quite sometime.
I'm sure there are tons of ppl like me, who over think and waste all their moments. A part of me, the bold one, which doesn't get a lot of attention for her lack of ability to be practical, suggests and pushes me to do the things that i'm too afraid to admit i even want to do. Thus its called the bold one. Also the more unsuccessful side. And then there's the coward part, who unfortunately makes more sense, huh that snobbish bitch always throwing her smartness at the bold one and shutting her up. *sigh* But she cant be blamed either, every time I agree with my bold side and take risks, it blows up in my face. So i put a lot of consideration and a lot of thought to everything, think about the consequences too much and well in all the fuss, i lose out on the perfect opportunities, i miss those precious moments that could have been so much more than just a "what if", that could have added to the very few and rare beautiful memories one has.
The confusion, the indecision's, the regret is killing me. I wish there was a way to get rid of all this, well there is, i'm just as usual too afraid to do it, be bold.
I guess thats why i write here, that's why i blog, i know its pretty stupid, who the hell wants to hear the cribbing of a 16 year old, who also happens to be stranger, why would someone wanna read the bull going on in someone else's brain, someone miles away from you, but i really don't care about that. I just hope someone relates, someone out there feels their not the only ones, also this is my way of compensating. Compensating about all that i wrote above, its my way of making up to my bold side, the only time i let her speak is here, unafraid of regrets and judgement's i just type and type, since i can speak my mind with all sincerity and truth, i speak here, to the whole world. That's probably the boldest constant i have, to share my thoughts. And i will continue to do so, irrespective of everything anyone thinks, i just hope i can do what i wanna do, the wishes i so wanna make true , locked deep in a safe that only opens up at night, in the darkness, away from prying eyes, away from the blinding light of the coward yet practical one with all her reasons and explanations, i hope i can make this bold side much more than a shadow that follows me, that never comes forward, i hope i can be brave.
Recommended song: Brave (Sara Bareilles)