memories in the well

Saw something similar to how you died, rather how I found you dead

It has me thouroughly riled up

For the last few weeks, I've tied up my grief to make sense of it, somehwere deep inside

As I tried to untangle a whole year of loss

Crossing the threshold of losing your ashes

I felt unable to fathom how time had passed

How untethered and far I felt from you

Yet the images seemed locked within 

Deep inside, in a black well

Images of that horrid day

But it's gotten riled up again

I can feel it stirring up through the blackness

I see it climbing out of the well

I can't breathe 

I feel like I'm living it all over again

Must I always remember seeing your face lifeless? Seeing no soul, no energy, no warmth? 

Must I never escape this hellish imagery?

This hellish trauma?