Unkind

I’ve been so unkind 

To you and to myself 

I’m sorry for being so harsh and hiding away in someone else’s warmth 

Making notes of all the reasons it didn’t work

And the ways it could with someone else 

As if the comparison would take the pain away

Maybe it helps me rationalise the loss of you 

I’m sorry for being so unkind 

To leave you and your heart

It fills me up to see you surrounded by love 

I wish I could be there too 

But our time was up and now we gotta watch from the sidelines 

Even when I don’t think of you, I’m trying not to think of you, so then really am I ever not thinking of us?

Does that make sense at all?

I won’t lie, it has become easier 

To accept the end of us 

I see why we didn’t work and why we did

But more importantly I see how much I’ve changed and how I could never go back

Letting you go has been about letting a version of me go too

And yet, it does hurt, sometimes all the same

I’m so good at performing that sometimes I believe that I’m okay and past the dark days of bidding us goodbye 

But it’s all happening at once, I just needed to sit with it 

And let it all wash over me 

I’m sorry for being so unkind

When you have been nothing but 

The gentlest and kindest love of my life