Learning to love

It feels like it happened overnight.
That one day you woke up
and your chest filled up
with this immensity
that you had to pull the covers off your body
as swiftly as rain seems to fall
and splash its contents all over the mud
so you run.
you run to the bathroom,
to confirm with her
the one staring back at you in the mirror
and ask her
looking into her eyes
am i in love?
sitting here though,
years later
i realize, it took more than a night
it took more than a few skipped heartbeats
and it took more than being restless
to fall in love
it took time
not in the way you and i experience it
not linearly either
but in its own drift
it takes time
so how did it happen?
((pause and sigh and go))
It took learning somebody entirely
to stare at glassy eyes
to sitting in silence
to fireworks in our head and in our eyes
it took getting used to
feeling like your nerves
were bending
twisting and making your heart hurt
in a not so normal way
it took getting used to the sound
of the pen making strokes at any paper he could find
it took locking my fear and letting it burst out when he got too close
it takes time
to learn
the way your hands fit into theirs
to getting used to those silly hats
from being annoyed at getting looked at
to learning to feel warmth when your eyes met
it takes time;
to enjoy the dim yellow shady street lights
to enjoy footpaths
to ignore the dogs you feared when they strolled by
because you're so lost in their voice
in the way their shadow moves
against the shadow of the cars passing by
learn to be intoxicated
learn to be irresponsible sometimes
learn to hold someones hand
while crossing the street
learn to not kick their ass out of instinct
when they grab you from the back
learn to cry and scream
to be vulnerable
to tell someone you feel alone
to tell them you're sad because of the way the world is
to find peace with them telling you
to not take the world so seriously,
to trespass into buildings that aren't meant to be entered
to running away
to the shape of their shoulder
gently against your cheek
to turning around at the station
when someone smelled like their perfume
to be disappointed when its not their voice
on the other side of the phone
it takes time
to remember them
to notice them
to smile so much that your dimples hurt
to going home from a walk and feeling silly
remembering how you gave yourself away
mumbling that you like them
spilling all the coke when they asked your name
to learn all of this and more:
So when the eyes of your reflection
glimmer unusually
and your lips crinkle
and your palms sweat
and you recall that day
their silhouette waved at you
and all you could see behind the faces
was a dangling arm with a sketchbook
on that crowded platform
when you got down the train;
back in your room
you forget to splash water on your face
and you grab your jacket
and you leave without the keys
because you've finally learnt
how to love