I wish we reached out

You didn't see me
I think I called out
I don't know if I was loud enough
I wish I had been
those days, before it happened
I felt as if  I'd lost my voice
but you didn't see me
I think I was screaming
the window was open
like it always was
it thought it would invite all the nice kinds
of warmth and breeze
but that's not what happened
I thought the immensity of what I felt
could reach the glass panes
and break them
so you'd hear me
through the crackling glass
but I guess I was wrong
have you ever been paralyzed in your sleep?
I have
its dreadful
you think you're calling for help
but your body betrays you
you lie limp on the bed
seeing spirits and energy
floating with vile anger in the air
all coming to get you
strangling you down
as everything burns out
and you scream
only in your head though
maybe that's why you didn't see me
it was all in my head you see
and that's what I kept hearing
from you, from them
"its all in your head,
you are doing this to yourself,
its not real,
you are in control"
then why did I let it burn out?
why did my skin feel like it turned to ash
why did it feel so real?
you were there you know.
you know you were
you saw me.
you did,
then why did you fuel it?
why did you keep pouring oil into the bowl of fantasy
and why did you help us throw it at the our house?
why did you light the match?
if it wasn't real
why did I stand
pushing the window
I thought I left open
bang bang bang
but the flames rose
and smoke filled my lungs
as I watched you
watched them
stand outside in the front yard and watch
me and my fantasy, my reality burning out
in that beloved house we built
and it wasn't until,
your house,
and their house
and the whole neighborhood burnt down
that you saw. really saw.
that it was real
is empathy so difficult to acquire?
that we have to wait for destruction to hit us
to understand another's pain?
but maybe I'd done the same?
how will I ever know?
we may never know how many hurricanes we caused
in some one else's backyard
how many fires we lit in their soul
I wish we did.
I wish you'd seen me
and I'd seen her
and someone saw you.
maybe then we'd all be living.

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