Time

//Image by The Goodstudio//

If time is not linear
Is it possible that all feelings that should be present instead of the emptiness I'm feeling because of your death
Is moving through time
to the past,
to all the nights I cried my eyes out not knowing why?
To all the bad moods and feelings
which had no logical reason to surface?
Was I sharing what I am feeling with the old me?
When I would return to the hostel after a visit back home,
I would feel depressed and lonely for days
Was it more than homesickness?
Was it a hint to the future?
4 days before you died,
it was my birthday
I never liked celebrating it as much as most people do
Is this why?
This year particularly I felt terrible right before my birthday
I started the next day feeling horrible
as if something bad was to happen
as if I shouldn't leave home
I didn't know why
I wasn't even PMSing
I cried too that morning
Was it a hint from my current self?
To hold her closer
To be home and watch over her for the coming days?