Notes on Grief

I saw the ember's rise from your burning body,
Then why do I keep hoping for a text message from you?
"Bahariluniki?" (Have you left?).
I saw the blues and blacks on your skin,
I wailed at you and heard nothing back
Yet I call out for you in my head all the time
Hoping that your voice will echo back an answer.
Where did your voice go?
Where did you go?
I felt the icy touch of all that made you
and carried you in my arms
Then why do I still feel like you're just on a long due vacation
and one of these days,
I'll unlock the door to find you sitting right there,
But this time you'll be smiling.

***

You were my home,
Without a home, I am a stranger to this world.
But if i'm half the person you were,
Just maybe, I can make it.

***

What's a day, if its a day without you?

***

I wish I was an egg,
so I could crash into a wall
and physically break into a million pieces.

***

Some moments are starting to have
A strange quietness in my head, in my heart.
The energy inside that used to seem like a possible soul, seems missing
my exterior feels like a cracked glass, not leaking just yet
and the water inside is so incredibly still
that sometimes it feels like its an empty glass.

***
If I could physically burn the question "how are you?", I would.

***

It feels wrong, sinful and ignorant to move forward,
But the world continued to rotate and revolve.
People went on with their lives,
some fell in love,
some fought,
some revolutions hiked and some fused.
Some packed up and left
while some returned.
Its been 20 days now,
and the sun still rises
but how can I, without you?