Finalities

//Image from Forever Rain MV by RM//

I'm losing you between moments of remembering our life
and, the last moments I spent with you after you passed
Images of both come and go, each causing specific feelings of loss
that are unique each time I feel them
The image of you on the couch, causes a physical pain in my heart
making it go beating at different speeds
as waves of anxiety pass through my body
I struggle to remember and cloud that horrific moment
with memories of the past,
that are otherwise so accessible.
They just seem to vanish at will.

I had no idea a single small little brain
could repress this much horror and beauty together.
These boxes keep opening on their own.

And the one person I want to tell them about,
is you.

The finality of death surrounds me more and more each day.
How is a person here one minute,
and not there the other?

How has this become my life?