Social Media Breaks: A record

Date of deleting: Monday, 20th June 2019

PS: This post will keep getting updated every now and then with the process of a social media detox. Also, kindly excuse the grammar, for these will be written in in-between moments of busy days, often scribbles of fast, short lived thoughts.

Description: I deleted the Instagram app. Been accessing for a few checks in the day from my laptop.

Day 1

Decided to try being active on the creative page by posting directly from the likes of my computer. It helps, its quicker. I can squeeze it in between classes.

Day 2

Checked post likes, felt underwhelmed with the response on my new post of a drawing. I quite loved the drawing, before i posted it. Because what i thought was a witty and well presented series of posts was received with low number. Immediately I felt my confidence and love for the drawing fall, I questioned- Is it not pretty? it is not detailed enough? Is it not as per the other accounts aesthetics? Is it too much? Is it too less?

I keep going to the folder called "Entertainment" which had two apps and now only has one. I click on the folder instantaneously without second thought, only to see a void, where the logo used to be. Its a puzzling feeling there after. I suddenly have two extra minutes to spare and i dont know what to fill them with. I don't know what to do with my thumbs but scroll in my idle time.

Day 3
Its still annoying to keep checking for the app, but at least I'm starting to utilize the extra time. The extra time amounts to almost two hours a day. I can sleep, I can read, I can watch Naruto. I can squeeze in a conversation with mom. I don't feel the urge to charge my phone as soon as i return from college, as if, if i don't check Instagram immediately I will miss some integral aspect of an event that happened today, in someone else's life.

I haven't posted again. not feeling like it.

Day 7
Been checking on and off over desktop. But yesterday I got too tempted and ended up opening it on my phone, via safari. The content viewing remains the same, however one cannot post freely with good edits. I wanted to post a picture with a friend that I took on a beautiful evening with some of my favorite girls. It wasn't out of posting immediately, since i posted a day later, almost out of boredom.

day 6 was especially wonderful. checking my instagram less doesn't mean i check my phone less, thus i end up spending more time anticipating replies from people on whatsapp, or idly waiting for a notification to pop up. Apart from that there is just more time, to reflect externally and internally.

we attended a workshop yesterday and then hopped four restaurants for food. It was great, I didn't need to take pictures of anything because the feeling itself was fulfilling. The ones i would want to share it with were with me, so i didn't have to post it at all.

But today, it was a weekend, more time meant more allure towards checking instagram and idling away time. I just saw a few posts and upon seeing an artwork by an artist i love- i thought- wow i wish i could paint like this- followed by an immediate slouch of shoulders and confidence. It was in that moment of self awareness that i switched off the app.

I cannot help but compare this to being in a gallery show and looking at an artist's work that i like. I do not think- i wish i could photograph like her, draw like her , write like her, then. So why does it happen over a screen?

strange.

oh i colored my hair too- like i said more time. But i didn't take fancy pictures to share on my story, just some basic ones when my hair was wet to share with close friends. Didn't even dry my hair. I looked at the mirror less too. I objectified my surroundings less too because everything doesn't have to become a backdrop for aesthetic to be in my Instagram story. it can simply be my bedroom, it can simply remain the yellow afternoon glow during sunset, it can simply be the green planters in our window, nothing more, nothing less. Good enough to exist, good enough to observe, feel, love. Need not be good enough to add a filter and share on my story.

I realize this is a longer record, but these are summaries of my observations over three days, maybe my observations will also keep growing, being denser.

Day 14
I just realized that a lot of motivation to create is solely dependent on my posting it on instagram.
Whether its a painting, or an illustration, it feels like I would be under pressure to finish it as soon as possible to be able to share it to instagram.

Same thing applies to the need to take selfies or group photos when I go meet friends. I barely remember its a necessity to capture if I dont have to share it.

I still haven't gotten rid of checking instagram once in two days, its clearly not fun on a desktop, still out of boredom i find myself unable to give up checking altogether.

I suppose thats too much to expect from myself.

I joined instagram back on 14th July, 2019