Trapped in August

 

Libby Oliver - photo credit

why do i feel so conflicted and choked up?

trapped 

trapped in my mind

in my past 

in my present

in my grief 

in the future i crave 

in the future i lost 

in the past i crave 

in the past i lost 

why is so difficult to just be grateful? 

to find hope 

to feel normalcy again? 

why do i suddenly remember all these feelings and memories of years and decades that were buried so neatly 

folded as cripsly like ironed sections of clothing

laid one over the other 

locked away in a wardrobe called nostalgia 

why is the pile so crumpled now? 

how am i supposed to put it back together? 

how do i hide it all away again? 

i feel like im being sucked into a wormhole of old clothes 

crushing me slowly 

trapping me more and more

help me escape 

please? 

would you forgive me for escaping? 

would I forgive myself? 

// 

why does it feel like im feeling all of this for the first time? 

how am i gonna be an optimist about this? 

//

august slipped away 

if you close your eyes 

does it almost seem like nothing changed at all?

oh where do we begin, the rubble of our sins 

Back when we were still changin' for the better

Wanting was enough

For me, it was enough

To live for the hope of it all

Cancel plans just in case you'd call

But I can see us lost in the memory

August slipped away into a moment in time

'Cause it was never mine

august slipped away like a bottle of wine 

Saying things we haven't for a while, a while, yeah

We're smiling, but we're close to tears, even after all these years

We just now got the feeling that we're meeting

For the first time

will you and i be safe and sound?