Personality Tests

I'm supposed to be a fearful avoidant 

disorganised emotionally

but a 67 on conscientiousness, methodical and dutiful

77 extraversion and an ENJF-T

Almost a 100 on openness 

a true cusp of Capricorn and Aquarius

Yet an expert at hiding my insecurities 

But somehow always wearing my heart on my sleeve

Part time people pleaser with an 83 on Agreeableness 

Still brutally honest with my closed ones

sometimes too much for my own good 

Clumsy but articulate, 71 on the neuroticism 

A list of wounds and scabs every new day 

An empathetic idealist 

but flexible enough to have a debate 

and change my mind, when solid evidence comes by

So many ways to know yourself 

and yet I sit here 

Baffled at how unaware I am of my own feelings 

Craving logic because it doesn't come naturally to my lover girl heart

I relentlessly psychoanalyse myself till I collapse of exhaustion 

Yet when it comes to decisions I go by 74% feeling

Equal parts general anxiety and c-ptsd with an invisible layer of lifelong grief

See my colourful eye liner or hair and you might think I have a sunny personality 

Yet, I love myself a good cry - I could silently go on for hours 

I'm 86% turbulent after all

Isolate for weeks, without any/many noticing 

I am supposed to have an 86 on judgement 

Yet when it comes to being careful of falling,

I do it time and time again 

as if the wounds are not seething with enough pain already

82% Intuitive, my predictions are almost never wrong 

you might find it intimidating to ask for my advice 

because I might tell you something you don't wanna hear

I can pretend to have a good time and have you convinced, 

Read you like the back of my hand 

and still fixate on your little quirks 

make you mysterious all in my own head

I'm hot and cold, most days I won't tell you why 

But if I like you, you're probably the same as me

I'm terrified of being forgotten and alone 

Still always yearning for affection and trying to win you over

Irrationally thought I would die at 17 

Yet here I am, sometimes unsure if I deserve to be 

This is just the first blueprint of many to come

Lately I have been trying to meet myself again 

But I guess even with your own self, it is often a chance encounter 

a happenstance only occurring a few times, a lifetime

even with a gazillion personality tests 

it could never be enough to know me/you