Looking back

When I was younger, I was taught that falling in love was the end all ultimate experience of life. 

Young love, especially was a meant to be a coming of age initiation into those teenage years.

Falling in love needed to feel like the whole world had stopped spinning.

And a heartbreak needed to mean that the world suddenly began spinning again, only this time - at a hundred spins per second.

Shifting the ground beneath your feet, leaving you out of sight and dizzy, making you fall apart in every percievable way.

But as I enter my late twenties,

I'm slowly realising that falling in love can feel in tune with the rest of the world too.

It can exist calmly in your life without spinning or halting your whole existence.

And when it breaks, it can happen in cordial glances and praises.

It can acknowledge the pain of separation and handle honest heavy hearted goodbyes.

It can exist in your deep subconscious as a gentle gray memory, instead of holding a dark dungeon like air. It can grieve, together.

I wish I could go back to all of my past relationships, to all the people that I left behind and the ones that left me behind -

And have an honest conversation. 

I wish we could look each other in the eye and take a pause while the world spun around -

To say, it changed me, it gave me joy and it gave me pain. 

But now, I will remember you, and I do wish you the best. Take care you.